So Sick of Goodbyes.

One of my best friends lost her mom on Wednesday. Her mom battled Lou Gehrig's disease for almost two years. Cindy was an amazing woman, an amazing mother, and an "adoptive mom" to all of her daughter, Ashley's, friends. My heart breaks for Ashley and her whole family. As part of the extended, "adopted" family, I feel like I lost a huge part of my family. Cindy will be greatly missed, and we were all so lucky to have her in our lives.


                                           RIP Cindy Lee Taylor   4/29/1960 - 01/26/2011

Dad's Last Great Adventure

My state is so stupid. They made it mandatory for death certificates to be filed online and not all doctors/coroners are registered with the online system, so things are way backed up. It took the state 3 weeks to get dad's death certificate filed. My dad died 3 weeks ago and was *just now* cremated. I've talked to my mom and I will be taking some of dad's ashes to Turkey Run, Bridgeton, and Oregon. We will also be having an old friend of dad's take his some of his ashes and scatter them where dad used to go mushroom hunting. Mom is going to spread some of his ashes around a pine tree he planted in the yard. He's going to forever be in the places that he loved and that meant the most to him. He had never been to Oregon, but he loved the pictures my cousin and I posted. I may see if my uncle would like some to spread around his yard, he was my dad's twin and they spent almost every birthday together since they turned 50 and dad loved visiting him in Texas. I think spreading his ashes will make his death real to me in a way nothing else has. It's been 3 weeks and I still can't believe he's gone.

*sigh*

My baby got his first hair cut today. Okay, he's two, so he's not really a baby anymore but he's still the baby of the family. We discovered a minor lice infestation in his hair that I believe he picked up last week when my sis in law babysat for us. Now for the before and after pictures. :)

This was before his hair cut.

It made me really sad to cut it, but the way it curled at the end would have made running the nit comb through his hair an impossibility.

This is after

He still looks adorable, as you can see. Hopefully now people will see that he's a boy.

Why I'm awesome, and other stuff.

I asked for suggestions on what my next post should be. The title of today's/tonight's post is an idea I was given. I didn't post right away because yesterday I wasn't feeling all that awesome, between the perpetually fussy toddler to the sulky preteen, the awesomeness was nowhere to be found. After tucking all my boys into bed (hubby included) I headed out to the bar to check out my brother in law's band. I hung out with my sister in law for the evening and had a blast. I love that I have the best inlaws in the world. Today wasn't much better, the toddler was still fussy, the preteen was still sulky (even more so because I had to ground him until his grades come up) Awesomeness was in short supply again. I slapped on some eyeshadow around midnight or so, because glitter is a pretty good mood lifter, and went to hang out with my girl Brittany. We went to Walmart where hilarity insued. Now that I've bored you all to death with a run down of the last two uneventful days of my life, I'm going to move onto the topic at hand: Why I'm awesome.

I am awesome because I wrangle a high needs toddler all day, pick up my oldest from school every day, pick my brother up from work and drive him home, and make dinner. I do this every day. Granted, that is the general job description of a stay at home mom, so maybe that's not what makes me awesome.... Crap, this is harder than I thought.
I'm awesome because, at 28, I still rock the pink hair. It's a bit pastel now because I need to redye, but generally it's an all out, in your face pink. I've had pink hair off and on for almost 10 years! Don't like it? I honestly don't care. I love the way I look with pink hair, so it stays.
I'm awesome because I have the strangest sense of fashion. I will throw together an outfit that no one on Earth should ever wear and it will look great, because I simply don't care how silly it looks.
I'm awesome because I will do anything for the ones I love. Friends, family, doesn't matter. If you need something, I will do everything I can to help you.

Want to see my makeup from the last couple of days? I hope you said "Yes," because here come the pics!

The top two are from last night. The next two are the colors I rocked tonight.

I think that's all I have for you tonight. Tomorrow, I may do a mini tutorial on how I get these awesome eye shots, though the way I do it won't help many people, because of the gear I use.

What would you like to see?

I'm putting my next post in your hands. I'm a pretty boring and lame person, so I want you all to tell me what I should make my next post about. :) Put your ideas in the comment section.

A Heartfelt "Thank You"

A lot of my blogger friends are posting about what makes them amazing and asking others to think about what makes them amazing. I was going to chime in with what makes me amazing (it's more of a self empowering thing, rather then a bragging thing) but I thought about it last night as I laid on the couch (because my back hurt too bad for me to do much of anything else) and I would rather post about what makes my friends and family amazing.

First of all, I owe a huge debt of gratitude to my hubby. He was just being the awesome hubby he always is, but after my dad passed, he took the whole week off from both jobs and was the parent to my boys that I couldn't be. There is no way I would have gotten through that week as well as I did if it hadn't been for him. I was in no condition to be a mom, I was too overwhelmed with trying to comprehend how my dad could really be gone to be a mother. He stepped in and made sure that everyone got fed and bathed. He made sure that no one burnt the house down because I probably would not have noticed. He's the main reason I made it through the whole ordeal more or less whole.

I also need to thank all my friends out there, those whom I've met and those on the internet. You ladies are another huge reason I made it through that awful week. Hubby had to sleep at some point, and all of you picked up where he left off. I don't sleep much and it was wonderful to be able to have someone to talk to at 3am, a virtual shoulder can be as good as a real shoulder. Not all of you know exactly what it's like to lose a parent, but you were all so understanding and patient with my broken record of sadness and disbelief.

In short, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you for doing all you could to help me get through the hardest thing I've ever done. I love that I have such a huge support system to catch me when I fall. You all are the reason I didn't fall flat on my face.

Naked Face

Today was a naked face kind of day. Hubby was home because of MLK day, the boys were both home. I didn't really wake up until very late in the afternoon. I think my little man is getting sick, I noticed in the early evening that he was roasting, so I got him down for a nap and checked his temp. He was running a bit of a fever at 101.2 so I gave him some Tylenol when he woke up. The fever didn't seem to bother him, he was still running around and jumping on us as usual. I made sure he got another dose before bed, so he wouldn't have trouble sleeping.

On an exciting note, I have new piggies to use tomorrow. I help my friend mix up some colors that she's going to start selling sometime this summer. I got to take the leftovers after we filled the pots. I'll let you all know what I think tomorrow/today and add some pictures to go along with my mini review... though I'm sort of biased, since I helped. Of course I'm going to love these colors.

Guitar Center Dinner look

I'm wearing a color called Pimp Hat on my eyes, Profanity on my cheeks, and my custom color Santa on my lips.

OMG!!

2011 started out really rough, but I'm determined to believe that the worst is over and that the year will be amazing from here on out. The first awesome thing? My pictures are finally going on the the Glittersniffer Cosmetics website! For now, it's just the one on the top of the home page, but I'm sure more will be added shortly. This feels like a huge step in the right direction.

"I'm Fine"

Never have I said something less true than this. I'm not fine and I have no idea how to go about being fine again. My brain can't seem to wrap it's self around the fact that my dad is gone. I thought I was doing okay. I broke down at the hospital and cried the whole night it happened and throughout the week leading up to the funeral. I barely cried at the funeral. Was something wrong with me? I had moments over the next few days where I would cry. Tonight, the fact that he was really really gone seemed to smack me in the face. I've been in tears most of the night. Is this normal? When should I start to worry that I'm not dealing well?

My first product review: Lush Cosmetics

I got an e-certificate from a friend for Lush Cosmetics, and after browsing the site for a bit, I decided to order Mint Julip sugar lip scrub and the Double Choc lip tint. The prices are a bit high, so they aren't really for people on a tight budget and the shipping cost was pretty high also. I'm going to talk about the sugar scrub first.

The jar of scrub looks super tiny in pictures, but it's a lot larger in real life than I expected.

This little pot was packed to the brim with sugary goodness, and the smell was so awesome! It has a great chocolate mint scent (one of my faves!) I wish I could photograph scent for you.

I had to use it right away! Just a teeny bit is all you need, so the cost of the little pot doesn't seem nearly as bad as it did when I ordered. After scrubbing, I just kinda licked it off. The ingredients are clearly listed and I saw nothing about rinsing on the directions.

All in all, I was super pleased with this product! It smells great, tastes great, and made my lips smooth. Oh, and it has the following on the bottom, which I thought was a cute touch

Now, on to the lip tint. I really wanted to love this product because I'm a lip balm/gloss junkie. I've found a favorite (Softlips) and haven't bought anything different in so long because I'm usually not happy. I loved the color of this, it's subtle and it works with my skin tone, but that is really the only thing I liked about it. It made my lips feel dry, like I needed extra balm.

This also listed it's ingredients clearly, along with when it was made and when you should use it by.

I feel I should add that I didn't receive these for my review, nor did Lush know I was going to do a review when they shipped my stuff (in fact, I didn't decide to do a review until this afternoon)

Along with the product I ordered, I got two soap samples. They smell pretty good, though I haven't used them yet. Okay, on to the pros and cons.

Pros: Fast shipping
        Securely shipped product
        Shipped quickly
        Lip scrub is amazing

Cons: Expensive
         Balm/tint was drying

Would I buy again, possibly. I would definitely love to keep using the lip scrub and I may try out more of their products one day. Overall, though I like what I purchased and will use them both. :)

Not a happy birthday

Today is my birthday and as the well wishes flood in from friends on Facebook I can't help but think about what is missing from this day, and will be missing every day from now on. Last year was the first year that I didn't get a card in the mail on my birthday from my grandma (she passed away in June '09) and this year will be the first birthday without my dad.

Drowning My Sorrows

Or, at least attempting to. I have a bottle of Oliver wine that is mostly gone as I attempt to drink away my pain. It's not been terribly successful at making me feel better. Now, instead of just sad, I'm drunk and sad. This just makes it harder to type. Mom and I planned Dad's memorial service this afternoon, it's just one more step leading down the road to the worst day of my life.

Joy and more Sorrow

My cousin and his wife welcomed a new baby boy into the world this morning around 6:30am (their time. They run 3 hours behind me) which came as a much welcomed ray of sunshine. They named him Halen Alan Dillon and he's super adorable and looks just like a Dillon. I tried to be as happy as I knew I should be, a new healthy baby is a reason to celebrate and be happy, but I wasn't able. I looked at his sweet little face on my screen and broke down again. As the day went on, I seemed to be coping better, but I would still have my moments of tears.

I got a text around 6:30pm that my old high school friend had passed. I was on my way to the hospital to visit and say goodbye last night when I got the call about my dad. I meant to make it to see her today, but after helping Mom make the final arrangements for Dad, I just didn't have it in me to go anywhere. I feel awful for missing my last chance to say goodbye to her. My heart hurts more than I ever knew was possible for both of our families.

How much grief can one person stand? I don't feel like I have room for any more, but I know the next worse day of my life is still to come.

Bad to Worse to Worst.

I thought my day started out bad. My toddler managed to cover himself and most of the house in peanut butter. If only I could have that day every day instead of the one I ended up with. Later in the afternoon I found out an old friend had mere days left to live. Worse than my morning, but the worst was yet to come.

My phone rang about 4:45 and it was my brother telling me that my dad had had a heart attack and wasn't breathing on his own. My mom was performing CPR and waiting for the paramedics. They arrived and tried to stabilize him. They then loaded him into the ambulance and took him to the hospital, all the while doing all they could to get his heart started again. I sped out to my parents house thinking my brother would need a ride to the hospital because my mom would have gone in the ambulance with dad. I got there and my mom and brother were both still there. The first warning bells started going off in my head, but I tried to stay positive. All the positiveness I had been able to hang onto quickly evaporated upon our arrival at the hospital. They took us into one of those private rooms they always show on tv when someone is about to get bad news. That's when we were told dad's chances weren't looking good. The doctor went out to get an update and came back barely five minutes later to tell us that dad didn't make it. They just couldn't get his heart to start again. Rest in peace, Daddy. You will be missed greatly.

This was taken on my parents wedding day, 37 years ago. It kills me to say that my mom is the only member of this photo who is still with us.

                                    In loving memory of Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/11

How do you prepare for this?

I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a trip to the hospital to see an old friend who is dying. She began her battle with cancer less than two years ago. I haven't spoken to her in several years, but we used to be the closest of friends. It breaks my heart to know what her family is going through right now. I got a text from her sister that now is the time to come to the hospital to say goodbye. How do you prepare to say goodbye to someone who is dying at 29? I didn't feel this much dread when my grandmother was in the hospital. Old people are supposed to die, 29 year olds are not. As soon as my hubby gets home, I will be going up to the hospital to say goodbye to someone who used to be my best friend in the world. It was at her house that I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest, it was her who introduced me to Type O Negative, I really feel I owe a lot of who I am today to being her friend and having her there with me through high school, through all the torment and name calling. She was my best friend, and I hate the stupid things I did that made that end. I wish I had made motions to repair the damage so that we could have been friends again. Dusty, you will always hold a special place in my heart as one of the best friends I have ever had. I hope you are able to find comfort from the pain. I'm so glad that we were friends and I will miss you. <3

So, I already told you all about how awesome Christina is at makeup, I failed to mention that she also runs an Etsy shop called Punk Rock Padding (this is actually a link to her Facebook fanpage) and she's doing a giveaway (her first) to those who follow her blog. She's giving away either a makeup brush roll or a makeup brush envelope. They are super cute. You can follow her and find out how to enter her giveaway here. Follow and earn an entry!

WOOOOO!!!!

This has nothing to do with makeup or photography, but my favorite NFL team made it to the playoffs! I'm hoping they're able to go all the way to the Super Bowl again this year (only this time, they'll win it) I spent this wonderful afternoon cleaning the house, watching the Colts win, eating Chinese, and spending time with my boys. It was a pretty great afternoon. My birthday is coming up on Thursday, I'm going to be 28. I'm totally okay with that, but I think I might have a mild break down when I hit 30. lol All I want for my bday is an iPod Touch and maybe a nice dinner at Sushi Umi. I'll probably end up with one or the other, but not both. I'd rather have the iPod. :) I'm heading out to Oregon again this summer, flight has been booked and everything. I'll be spending a whole week out there with my cousin, his wife, and their two kids (one of which needs to hurry his butt up and be born already!) and I really want to have an iPod to keep me entertained on the flights. That's all I've got for now. :) Hope you've all had a fantastic day!

These colors were chosen by a fellow blogger/Facebook friend. You can find and follow her here: http://christinaluvsglitter.blogspot.com/ She does reviews, pictorials, and just all around awesome makeup.

Happy New Year!

I worked last night shooting a NYE party at a local winery. It was a really good time! There was yummy food, dancing, and a midnight breakfast which had loads of bacon (I ate a ton of it lol) I rocked an awesome sparkly eye and it was a hit (as was my pink hair)

I hope everyone has a terrific year!