Drowning My Sorrows

Or, at least attempting to. I have a bottle of Oliver wine that is mostly gone as I attempt to drink away my pain. It's not been terribly successful at making me feel better. Now, instead of just sad, I'm drunk and sad. This just makes it harder to type. Mom and I planned Dad's memorial service this afternoon, it's just one more step leading down the road to the worst day of my life.

Joy and more Sorrow

My cousin and his wife welcomed a new baby boy into the world this morning around 6:30am (their time. They run 3 hours behind me) which came as a much welcomed ray of sunshine. They named him Halen Alan Dillon and he's super adorable and looks just like a Dillon. I tried to be as happy as I knew I should be, a new healthy baby is a reason to celebrate and be happy, but I wasn't able. I looked at his sweet little face on my screen and broke down again. As the day went on, I seemed to be coping better, but I would still have my moments of tears.

I got a text around 6:30pm that my old high school friend had passed. I was on my way to the hospital to visit and say goodbye last night when I got the call about my dad. I meant to make it to see her today, but after helping Mom make the final arrangements for Dad, I just didn't have it in me to go anywhere. I feel awful for missing my last chance to say goodbye to her. My heart hurts more than I ever knew was possible for both of our families.

How much grief can one person stand? I don't feel like I have room for any more, but I know the next worse day of my life is still to come.

Bad to Worse to Worst.

I thought my day started out bad. My toddler managed to cover himself and most of the house in peanut butter. If only I could have that day every day instead of the one I ended up with. Later in the afternoon I found out an old friend had mere days left to live. Worse than my morning, but the worst was yet to come.

My phone rang about 4:45 and it was my brother telling me that my dad had had a heart attack and wasn't breathing on his own. My mom was performing CPR and waiting for the paramedics. They arrived and tried to stabilize him. They then loaded him into the ambulance and took him to the hospital, all the while doing all they could to get his heart started again. I sped out to my parents house thinking my brother would need a ride to the hospital because my mom would have gone in the ambulance with dad. I got there and my mom and brother were both still there. The first warning bells started going off in my head, but I tried to stay positive. All the positiveness I had been able to hang onto quickly evaporated upon our arrival at the hospital. They took us into one of those private rooms they always show on tv when someone is about to get bad news. That's when we were told dad's chances weren't looking good. The doctor went out to get an update and came back barely five minutes later to tell us that dad didn't make it. They just couldn't get his heart to start again. Rest in peace, Daddy. You will be missed greatly.

This was taken on my parents wedding day, 37 years ago. It kills me to say that my mom is the only member of this photo who is still with us.

                                    In loving memory of Robert Edward Dillon 5/31/52 - 01/03/11

How do you prepare for this?

I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for a trip to the hospital to see an old friend who is dying. She began her battle with cancer less than two years ago. I haven't spoken to her in several years, but we used to be the closest of friends. It breaks my heart to know what her family is going through right now. I got a text from her sister that now is the time to come to the hospital to say goodbye. How do you prepare to say goodbye to someone who is dying at 29? I didn't feel this much dread when my grandmother was in the hospital. Old people are supposed to die, 29 year olds are not. As soon as my hubby gets home, I will be going up to the hospital to say goodbye to someone who used to be my best friend in the world. It was at her house that I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest, it was her who introduced me to Type O Negative, I really feel I owe a lot of who I am today to being her friend and having her there with me through high school, through all the torment and name calling. She was my best friend, and I hate the stupid things I did that made that end. I wish I had made motions to repair the damage so that we could have been friends again. Dusty, you will always hold a special place in my heart as one of the best friends I have ever had. I hope you are able to find comfort from the pain. I'm so glad that we were friends and I will miss you. <3

So, I already told you all about how awesome Christina is at makeup, I failed to mention that she also runs an Etsy shop called Punk Rock Padding (this is actually a link to her Facebook fanpage) and she's doing a giveaway (her first) to those who follow her blog. She's giving away either a makeup brush roll or a makeup brush envelope. They are super cute. You can follow her and find out how to enter her giveaway here. Follow and earn an entry!

WOOOOO!!!!

This has nothing to do with makeup or photography, but my favorite NFL team made it to the playoffs! I'm hoping they're able to go all the way to the Super Bowl again this year (only this time, they'll win it) I spent this wonderful afternoon cleaning the house, watching the Colts win, eating Chinese, and spending time with my boys. It was a pretty great afternoon. My birthday is coming up on Thursday, I'm going to be 28. I'm totally okay with that, but I think I might have a mild break down when I hit 30. lol All I want for my bday is an iPod Touch and maybe a nice dinner at Sushi Umi. I'll probably end up with one or the other, but not both. I'd rather have the iPod. :) I'm heading out to Oregon again this summer, flight has been booked and everything. I'll be spending a whole week out there with my cousin, his wife, and their two kids (one of which needs to hurry his butt up and be born already!) and I really want to have an iPod to keep me entertained on the flights. That's all I've got for now. :) Hope you've all had a fantastic day!

These colors were chosen by a fellow blogger/Facebook friend. You can find and follow her here: http://christinaluvsglitter.blogspot.com/ She does reviews, pictorials, and just all around awesome makeup.

Happy New Year!

I worked last night shooting a NYE party at a local winery. It was a really good time! There was yummy food, dancing, and a midnight breakfast which had loads of bacon (I ate a ton of it lol) I rocked an awesome sparkly eye and it was a hit (as was my pink hair)

I hope everyone has a terrific year!